Camping has an unwritten code. Nobody hands you a rulebook when you buy your first swag or rooftop tent, but before long you learn there are certain things you just don’t do. Break those rules and you’ll quickly earn yourself the sort of reputation that sees everyone hoping you don’t pull into the next campsite.
With that in mind, we’ve established the completely unofficial, entirely fictional Camp Court. The punishments probably aren’t legally enforceable… but they should be.
Crime #1 – The Toilet Paper Tree
We’ve all been there. You’re wandering through the scrub looking for firewood, chasing a sunset photo or simply answering nature’s call yourself, only to stumble across a patch of white toilet paper decorating the bushes. It’s enough to ruin an otherwise perfect campsite.
Using the bush toilet isn’t the problem; it’s how it’s done. The problem is pretending your TP magically disappear once you walk away. Digging a proper hole takes all of two minutes, and in many popular destinations it’s even better to pack your paper out altogether. The same goes for baby wipes, which don’t suddenly become biodegradable because they’re labelled “flushable”. If you wouldn’t leave rubbish lying around camp, don’t leave it hidden behind the nearest shrub.
The bush should never remind the next visitor that you were there.
Punishment: You are hereby appointed Official Hole Digger for every toilet stop on the remainder of the trip.
Crime #2 – DJ Campfire
There’s always one. As the sun drops below the horizon and everyone settles in around the fire, out comes the Bluetooth speaker. At first it’s background music. Then the volume creeps up. Before long the entire campground is getting an unsolicited concert featuring someone else’s questionable playlist.
Music isn’t the enemy. Most campers don’t mind a bit of background noise while setting up camp or cooking dinner. The problem starts when your campsite becomes the entertainment venue for everyone within a few hundred metres. One of the great joys of camping is escaping the constant noise of everyday life. The crackle of a fire, birds settling into the trees and complete silence under a sky full of stars are pretty hard to beat.
If your neighbours can sing along with your playlist from inside their swag, it’s time to turn it down.
Punishment: Your Bluetooth speaker is confiscated and replaced with a $12 AM radio that only receives static and late-night farming reports.
Crime #3 – The Spotlight Ranger
Modern LED head torches are incredible pieces of kit. Unfortunately, some campers treat them like searchlights at a prison escape. Every conversation becomes an interrogation as 3,000 lumens burn directly into everyone else’s retinas.
The funny part is most offenders don’t even realise they’re doing it. They’re simply looking around camp while everyone else is trying desperately not to make eye contact. A simple tilt of the head points the beam at the ground where it’s actually useful, and if your torch has a red-light mode, even better. It protects your night vision and means everyone else can keep theirs too.
The golden rule is simple: if everyone around the campfire suddenly squints when you arrive, your head torch needs adjusting.
Punishment: You must wear sunglasses after dark while everyone else gets first pick of the good head torches.
Crime #4 – The Campfire Bin
Few things kill the atmosphere of a beautiful campsite faster than finding someone else’s rubbish. Half-burnt cans in the fire pit, bottle caps scattered through the dirt, food scraps tossed into the bushes or melted plastic mixed into yesterday’s ashes all tell the same story: somebody assumed someone else would clean up after them.
Here’s the thing—fire doesn’t magically erase rubbish. Aluminium cans don’t disappear, glass certainly doesn’t burn, and half-melted plastic simply becomes a bigger mess for the next camper to deal with. The same goes for zip ties, food wrappers, cigarette butts and anything else that somehow gets “accidentally” left behind.
Leave the campsite looking like nobody was ever there. Better yet, if you spot a bit of rubbish someone else left behind, throw it in your own bag. The bush will thank you for it.
Punishment: Congratulations, you’ve been promoted to Chief Camp Cleaner. Every scrap of rubbish spotted for the rest of the trip belongs to you.
Crime #5 – Camp Speedway
You finally find the perfect campsite. The billy’s on, the kids are riding bikes, someone’s dog is asleep in the shade… then a ute barrels through camp at 60 km/h throwing a cloud of dust over absolutely everything.
Slow down.
Campgrounds aren’t rally stages. They’re full of kids, dogs, people walking between campsites and plenty of drivers with reduced visibility thanks to tents, caravans and parked vehicles. Even when the roads are dry, excessive speed coats everyone’s dinner, chairs and roof top tent in a layer of bulldust that didn’t need to be there.
Driving at walking pace might add an extra 20 seconds to your arrival, but it’ll earn you far more respect than pretending you’re halfway through a Finke stage.
Punishment:Â You must personally apologise to every person whose dinner now contains a fine seasoning of red dirt.
Final Verdict
Like most unwritten rules, campsite etiquette really boils down to one simple principle: leave things better than you found them, and remember you’re sharing the outdoors with other people.
Nobody expects perfection. We all forget things from time to time. But if you avoid these five campsite crimes, chances are you’ll be remembered as the campers everyone hopes pulls in next door—not the ones everyone watches through the blinds wondering how long they’ll be staying.
